I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
