so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
