i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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