I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
