I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
