I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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