If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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