its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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