you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
