You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
How's work?
Spinning.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
