My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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