Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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