apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
