Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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