Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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