I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
