if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
