I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
If I die, sorry about rent.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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