It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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