You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
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