Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
