I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Randomize
