Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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