Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
