Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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