my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
