Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
