I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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