It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
