Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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