well he's currently spooning the coffee table
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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