I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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