Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
i would one night stand the shit outta him
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
