who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
