my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
