carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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