Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
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