Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
