she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
