I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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