I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
