i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize