Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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