Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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