I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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