This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
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