Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
