I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
