it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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