She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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