Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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