Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
