i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
