I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
