This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
