I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
