dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
