Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
We have started to decorate penises.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Randomize
