Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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