I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
