it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
