dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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