I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
