He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
3 2 1 whiskey
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
