I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
