I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
