so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
