this beer tastes like vomit already
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I want her autograph on my taint
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
