just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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