I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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