wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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