idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
