it was like his penis was on wheels.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
cat food counts as protein by the way
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
