The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
