I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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