I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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