We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
You had me at "let me see your balls"
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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