none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize