Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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