I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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