so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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