he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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