you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
