You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
