he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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