i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
We had sex on a dog bed..
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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