i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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