if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
