brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
