Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
