we have officially lost it.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
